Xiobhan: All About the X

More rockin' toddler

Conversations that make me cry

Momma?
Yes budsy?
We saw a dead bird today.
Oh no. What happened?
It was in the street. It flew up into a great big windstorm but then it fell down and broke it's neck.
That's very sad.
It's in heaven right now.
Heaven is a nice place.
Yup. It's in heaven with Maggie and Zuzu and they are all playing.
Yes..
And Maggie has two eyes so she can see her friends.
Yes.
Where is heaven again?
Up in the clouds, baby. Way..up..high... it's beautiful and happy.
Momma?
Yes B?
I love you.

Tweeting in all the wrong places also known as "A Crappy Haiku"

I am eating sushi right now. I ordered it all by myself. MetroDad would be so proud.

Bye Mags

Maggie "goes in" this morning and everyone who has ever had a pet knows exactly what that means. Thirteen is a fine age for a small dog and her health has been declining steadily. Last year she had one eye removed due to glaucoma and a few weeks ago the other started failing. I stopped by my mother's last night to check in and discuss some sort of Schitzu last supper. Mom was in the corner of a dark kitchen with a cigarette in her hand, crying. Maggie was bumping into the cabinets and whining trying to find her. It was obvious she was frail and confused and it was heart-breaking. I scooped her up and snoogled her and even her snuffly/squeaky happy sounds were weak. It's time. She's ready. It's the right thing.

Facebook in Reality

This never should have happened.

I am shocked and horrified yet not surprised. (Is that even possible?) My mother just called to give me this news.

This man is an old "friend" of the family. Well, he and his wife were once, until he became controlling, manipulative, abusive and maniacal. My mother is still close with his ex-wife as we supported her through some very, very rough years. Did I mention he was my doctor for awhile? Yup. For my knee, back when I played soccer.

He always was a bastard. Now he's a murderer.

Oh Man. There she goes....

So I’ve had some changes on my staff and am in the process of reviewing resumes and hiring. I have been floored and mostly disappointed at the state of some of the CVs that I have received – mostly from people still in school or out of school a few years. I want to take them, and shake them and ask them, “Who told you it was a good idea to write your cover letter in third person? Elle Woods?“ I want to call each and every one of them back and tell them exactly why I laughed, tossed their resume in the bin or disqualified them from what might have been a pretty good opportunity. Since I can’t, I type this….

The Resume
Know Your Audience. Or more accurately, don’t assume that you know who will be reading your resume. It could be a militant feminist incredibly impressed with your thesis, “The Objectification and Subjugation of Women during the Early ‘90s by the Lycra Industrial Complex.” More likely it will be someone like me, who will snort. Audibly. While you may be impressed with your creative bone fides in “writing and singing chants,” it probably isn’t a skill I am hiring for. While I do not care what your hobbies are I am interested in hearing more about what exactly “American Revisionist History” entails… and not in a good way. Do you actually revise history yourself? Is that time consuming given the amount of American history? So you were a women and gender studies major and appeared in the Vagina Monologues. Unless you are applying to an OBGyns office, which we are not, you should never put in your resume more than one reference to yours – or anyone elses’ – hoo hah. (This particular candidate had more than THREE different references to female genitalia.) Keep your resume moderate and fairly mainstream and focus on skills and value. Oh, and I know what you are thinking, “If my resume offends you than I do not want to work for you anyway.” That is because you are young and idealistic. When the rent is due and the student loans start kicking in and you wonder why you are getting zero call backs and the only interview you had was with NOW and was informational – you will change your mind.

The cover letter. I want to know that you can write and yes, I can tell if you do a “search and replace” for our company name vs. another company and if you have plagiarized a template cover letter from “What Color is Your Parachute.” Also, if you are under 25 I do not want to read about your “vast” internship experience or the fact that you have “honed” your interpersonal skills. You haven’t honed anything yet. Show me that you are enthusiastic, smart, capable and willing to learn and you will make the cut. I’m not expecting years of experience at the entry-level. I just want to know that you have the basic skills, are a hard worker and have a good personality, to call you for the interview. Visit our site, do a little research, parrot a few things back and above all….get the company name right.

Speaking of names. Spend five minutes on a phone call to the main number to get the name of the person responsible for hiring. Repeat back the spelling of the name and ask, “Ms. or Mr.” if you aren’t sure. Sure, it says, “no phone calls” but I’m the one who doesn’t want your calls – not the receptionist and if I get a letter to me with my name spelled right I will know you did homework and I do grant bonus points. Sure, “To Whom it May Concern” is a safe bet but it makes you look as if you do JUST enough and I want a person who is thorough and gives me that little bit more.

Formatting and Proofing. Working here you will spend quite a bit of time developing materials, managing designers and judging if something looks good or not. Start with your resume. Pay attention to consistency in format, font usage, spacing, and margins and for the love of God proof it. Once you are done proofing it have your friend, teacher or parent proof it. I guarantee you every single person who looks at it– if they are worth their salt – will find something. Let them find it. You don’t want me seeing it. Also, if you say that you are tech savvy and list all of the programs in which you are proficient, show me by scanning your signature, popping it in as a .jpg and pdf-ing the whole mess. You’ll get more bonus points which you have noticed I am big on.

Naming convention. Name your resume with your last name. I have actually gotten more than a few “resumes.doc.” Not helpful. Also, when you send me an email, put your name AND the job in the subject line. I have about fifteen “Re: Account Assistant positions” in my Outlook hiring folder. I can’t tell who is who and have to click on every flipping email to find the candidate coming in that afternoon. It drives me crazy. I’m already grumpy about having to hire – you don’t want to irritate me further.

The Interview.
Manners: If you make it in front of me, stand up when I or someone else enters the room. Make good – but not intense or creepy – eye contact. Shake my hand. Practice your hand shake on a trusted friend or parent or someone that will tell you if it is limp, clammy and generally depressing.

Notes. Bring samples of anything you have ever done in a portfolio. Bring extra copies of your resume. Bring a notepad and a working pen and use it while I am talking. I don’t care if you are writing, “HBJ + GBR” as long as I think you are taking notes. I will give you everything that I am looking for during our conversation. If you are paying attention, you should be able to synthesize it and repeat it back to me as it pertains to your candidacy. These notes will help you ask good questions about the issues and the client. When I ask you if you have questions, don’t ask about the benefits, salary or any other planned questions. I have questions about what I do every day. I’m sure you will too after listening to me talk for 30 minutes. Ask them. Be humble and be honest. Again, I don’t expect you to understand everything. Just show me you are a quick study and an eager learner.

Convince me. On the way out, ask me for the job. If you really want to work here, tell me. You would be surprised how many people never actually say that they are interested in the position when they interview.

A thank you note. I gave you a business card when we met. I expect a note within the next couple of days. Email will do, but I have gotten lovely hand written notes on crisp cream-colored cranes and the people that have done that have gotten the extra points.

That’s all. If you make it through, I promise I am not this mean in person. Not all the time, anyway.

Because we're all tired of obits...

I bring you... more dancing toddler! Woot!

Yeah ya shook me! from Siobhan on Vimeo.

Look, it's not like it's "I Can Haz Cheezburger," k?

"Uncle Bill" has died

He was the closest thing I have ever had to a grandpa. Musty sweaters and over-heated apartment. Talk of trains and physical ailments. He called me his girlfriend at "the home" to make the other "girls" jealous.

We visited him in the hospital and he held my hand and said, "I think I'm at the end of my career."

Ohmygod how I am going to miss him.

The Hindenburg

The last line from my nine year-old niece's research paper:

"No one may know what really happened. We have learned from this tragedy and hope to do better next time."