I was so inspired that I drove home from work last night taking notes on a scrap of paper I dug out of my purse --notes I am now trying to deciper. Because I am an emotional cripple and cling to detritus from my past, I considered digging out one of the mix tapes an old boyrfriend made for me in the 90s that I keep in a shoebox in the basement but I don't want to make anyone feel bad and to be fair, they only suck in retrospect.
To understand what makes a mix tape shitty, one must first evaluate what makes a mix tape great and then go from there. Because Paige was vague on rules or criteria, and none were set forth by Aziz and his friends, I'm going to go ahead and make some assumptions.
The mix should be:
1) Devoid of any musical integrity
2) Low on the listenability scale
3) Set no mood whatsoever
4) Vague in meaning or message, "I Love You, " "I Hate You," "Let's Dance!"
5) Not bad in a fun, cool or ironic way -- just plain bad
I think it's also important to note that the songs don't necessarily have to be bad but the combination of the songs must have an overall "Boy, This Sucks" effect. If I just wanted to make something unlistenable I could put "Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" on there five times. And it is with poor Aziz in mind, carrying that boombox all over New York, that I submit the following: a mix I would like to make someone listen to publicly.
To this end, I enter the following.
(And by the way I was able to do this because I took a vacation day today. I have done, six loads of laundy, mowed the lawn and done edging, nailed all the loose boards back in the fence surrounding our yard, Tilexed both showers, washed and ironed all of the table and bed linens, and then I ironed all my blouses, (you know what they say about striking while the irons hot!) I might have been able to do more if I had some meth, but I don't.)
So here are the songs!
And because every tape has that last little bit left where you think you can squeeze in one more song but you really can't and it gets cut off...