Supa Poopa Mix'06

Paige has thrown down the Maxell and I accept the challenge for The Shittiest Mix Tape Ever modeled after this.

I was so inspired that I drove home from work last night taking notes on a scrap of paper I dug out of my purse --notes I am now trying to deciper. Because I am an emotional cripple and cling to detritus from my past, I considered digging out one of the mix tapes an old boyrfriend made for me in the 90s that I keep in a shoebox in the basement but I don't want to make anyone feel bad and to be fair, they only suck in retrospect.

To understand what makes a mix tape shitty, one must first evaluate what makes a mix tape great and then go from there. Because Paige was vague on rules or criteria, and none were set forth by Aziz and his friends, I'm going to go ahead and make some assumptions.

The mix should be:
1) Devoid of any musical integrity
2) Low on the listenability scale
3) Set no mood whatsoever
4) Vague in meaning or message, "I Love You, " "I Hate You," "Let's Dance!"
5) Not bad in a fun, cool or ironic way -- just plain bad

I think it's also important to note that the songs don't necessarily have to be bad but the combination of the songs must have an overall "Boy, This Sucks" effect. If I just wanted to make something unlistenable I could put "Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" on there five times. And it is with poor Aziz in mind, carrying that boombox all over New York, that I submit the following: a mix I would like to make someone listen to publicly.

To this end, I enter the following.

(And by the way I was able to do this because I took a vacation day today. I have done, six loads of laundy, mowed the lawn and done edging, nailed all the loose boards back in the fence surrounding our yard, Tilexed both showers, washed and ironed all of the table and bed linens, and then I ironed all my blouses, (you know what they say about striking while the irons hot!) I might have been able to do more if I had some meth, but I don't.)

So here are the songs!

Song 1
Song 2
Song 3
Song 4
Song 5

And because every tape has that last little bit left where you think you can squeeze in one more song but you really can't and it gets cut off...

BONUS TRACK!

Comments

[paige]

Oh no not Lady in Red! Do I automatically lose because I like that song?

This is going to be hard to beat. Damnit.

[Denise]

Heh, I heard Love Hurts on the radio this morning for the first time in ages and turned it up loud. It was just that good and bad, ya know?

Good mix!

[Xdm]

In the essence of full disclosure: In 1994 (95?) I participated in MTV's Sex in the 90's series "Love Sucks, Part 5." In the 30 minute episode I have four soundbites and there is some footage of me sitting sad and lonely on the edge of a fountain as music swells in the background. "OOooo OOoo looove huurts." Yup. Nazareth. Just recalling I feel a mix of pride and shame. If you watch MTV at 3 in the morning, you just may catch me.

[AVERAGE JOE]

ahem, Gonna Make You Sweat does NOT belong on this list... bonus track or not. That song singlehandedly helped white boys dance in 1989. Now I gotta go find my parachute pants...

[debbie]

pretty darn good, but i don't know if it beats this: http://workforidlehands.blogspot.com/2006/05/shittiest-mixtape-challenge.html

hmmm...heh.

[supa]

Wow. Masterfully done. *golf claps*

[norbizness]

Chris DeBurgh makes me believe in the possibility of angels... angry, fire-sword-wielding angels who come to purify the land of unrighteousness.

[Sarah]

Yours are good. "Lady in Red" is your anchor for sure, but it's no Jordy.

[Gina]

Damn! Am I too late to enter!This is a sure fire winner for me' cause except for Jordy...I have a lot of this on my ipod!!!!