New Year's Resolution: Finish Posts and Hit "Publish"

I have been writing up random stuff on and off and not posting any of it.  Here is a sample of unfinished-ness from the last four weeks or so.

The Four-year-old Philosopher

It was windy today and a bag floated up and over our car a la American Beauty. Beck said, "Momma. That bag is running from the wind but the wind is too fast for him." 

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The other night, after pulling him from the bath and warming him up with the hair dryer, I tried to explain to him the dangers of combining water and electricity. 

"It's dangerous. You'll get zapped."

"Zapped?"

"Yes. Zapped."

"How?"

"By the electricity. It goes through your body."

"How does it get in there?"

"Through your skin and then it hurts your heart."

"And then I wouldn't be able to love anymore?"

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So the little man had his Christmas pageant at church tonight and I was extremely disappointed to see there were no Christmas lobsters. He sang a song called, "King Jesus" with his classmates and then the teachers walked all the dressed-up little people back to their parents.

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The holidays are passing far too quickly. I feel like I was just a pirate and then BAM! We're sitting on I95 in horrendous traffic on our way to Greensboro for the Big Thanksgiving Family Reunion.  (Reason 583 I need a Blackberry or other hand held device:  You can look up the number to the Virginia Department of Transportation and call them to tell them what total morons they are for scheduling highway repaving work during the busiest travel week of the year while you are sitting in your car staring at a work crew. Go gettem' honey!  You tell 'em!  What? You want me to call from my cell phone too so they register even more complaints? No thanky. You be irate guy. I'll just sit here and try to keep the kids from losing their shit with snacks and DVDs.) To be fair to them, the kids were amazing up and back. We couldn't have asked for better travelers. Sometimes it takes a four year-old to help you re-discover fun, "Why yes! We're having a car picnic!! And it IS fun!" 

Lots of stories from the trip that I am bursting to share, but all fall under the "family" category -- most importantly HIS family -- so there will be nothing here. (Hey! Call me!!)  Ha ha. Kidding. But not really.

I would like to share that my sister-in-law gave me a perfume sample of La Prairie's Silver Rain and now I can't fucking stop singing that goddamn Chocolate Rain song.  Jiminy they have a whole dang Rain Collection. Now I'm disappointed that there really isn't a Chocolate Rain. I should pitch them on that. Also important to note: it is really strong and you have to turn your head to breathe in.

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Driving to work last week I heard the story about the man that was suing God, but they threw the case out because they couldn't serve God with the papers. The man who filed is appealing on the grounds that God is "all knowing and all seeing" and thus knows he is being sued. That is genius.

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When Carts Attack

I was pulling into our grocery store parking lot when the guy who brings the carts back into the store lost control of the 30 + cart train and it came crashing into the front bumper of my car. I thought it was going to miss me by inches, (I was stopped) but I wasn't that lucky. My brain can be slow to react sometimes ("Hey! Look at that really long train of carts that is coming and looks sort of fast and downhill and I wonder if it is going to... BAM...)  I filed a report in the store but felt awful because they brought the cart/bag guy over and questioned him in front of me. He is nice, but mildly challenged (I am guessing autistic) and speaks AT THE LOUDEST POSSIBLE VOLUME AT ALL TIMES while staring above your head.  I told him it was an accident, and that it was ok, and that the car was ok, but he still yelled, "I THOUGHT YOU SAW ME!!!  IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!!" The store manager shuffled disinterestedly behind the counter "info here, sign here, phone number here" and then left me with the paperwork to get a carton of cigarettes for an old lady.  As this happened when I was arriving, I still had to do my shopping.  I bought about three of the twenty items I actually needed I was so upset and distracted. I just wanted to get out of there.  I got home and cried because not only was the front of the car fucked up, but I was sure that I had gotten the guy fired, and what was he going to do now?

UPDATE! Julian still works there, standing by the front door  yelling  "MAY I HELP YOU WITH YO BAGS." The folks at Giant are 1) not heartless bastards and 2) insured.

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I have an all day meeting next week and because of government budget cuts it has been decided that no food of any kind will be provided. That's fine, if we were meeting at a place where we could just go get something to eat but where not. We're sort of out in the middle of nowhere.   We have been provided with the option of either bringing a lunch, or purchasing a boxed lunch from a local bakery well in advance. So far the boxed lunches are running about $15 a head, and I'm pretty cheap, so next Monday I am going to march into an important meeting with 50 of my contractor colleagues swinging a Lightning McQueen lunch box . Inside? PB&J, Mott's snack pack, yogurt covered raisins, and a juice box. Maybe I'll even throw in some Goldfish. Mark my words, people are going to want to trade. 

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Who here thinks it's high bloody time that I change up this design? The dog is dead more than a year now and my days of breeding are pretty much over. Then again, eh.

Comments

[JJ Daddy-O]

-- I too have a jammed up drafts folder. Maybe there;s some kind of herbal tea that could help unblock them. Or maybe adderal.
-- I think you should go all Spicoli on them and have a juicy pizza delivered during the meeting and not share. Tell them that government contracting rules forbid the giving of gifts including food.
-- Your design is not old, it's "classic". Maybe some kind of new logo incoporating the immortal (in your heart) Zuzu.
And it's just about time for you to have some oops twins, Mary Margaret and Mary Katherine, anyway.

Happy New Year to the Muellers, big and small! Maybe this year will see a road trip to SAV!

[patois]

Great idea to cram all those drafts into one big round-up. I love your design. Then, again, I've not been visiting that long so it still looks new'ish to me.

And amen to Giant for not firing the guy.

[TwoBusy]

Mmm... snippits.

- Beck's response to the tub/zap concept? Cutest. Thing. Ever. I presume you responded by melting into a puddle of goo.

- Christmas lobsters! Ah, "Love, Actually." Never gets old.

- Don't forget the cheese stick in your lunch box. It's got calcium.

- Julian keeping his job = AWESOME.

- I'll abstain from voting on design, but can you update your listens/reads? I'm tired of looking at Aqualung and Amy Winehouse.

[pnuts mama]

love ya, lady- awesome post, is totally my life, just snippets of what's happening here as well...happiest of 09's to you all- with or without the oops twins...